Being Shafted

I'm getting angry quite a lot lately. But for me it's other people who are the reasons for this anger. For instance finding big Moma would rather get her in the house-maintenance-business boy friend to do a little painting, for which he'll charge her an extortionate rate as well. What makes me angry is she is allowing herself to be shafted. Although I said to her there was nothing a bit of paint could not fix and I had already bought the paint for the job. She'd made up a reason to say there was something wrong with the wood. Considering she's not been up a ladder her entire life and knows nothing about wood doesn't actually enter her mind. She wanted to go out and let herself be financially shafted. This of course enraged me, but particularly because the job was a simple one.

I had the paint and loan of a ladder already at hand it was my intention to sort it out. Not considering also the circumstances of a fellow Shafter to the boyfriend. A bloke who spoke to one of Big Moma's Grand son's and said "so and so (boyfriend) is screwing your nan, how'd you feel about it?" The Shafter is a devious and probably mentally disturbed individual who takes gratuitous pleasure out of teasing in a malevolent way. It is therefore no wonder I was angry and in these circumstances I think justifiably angry. To the point of feeling physical violence towards this individual. In the meantime Big Moma has the demeanour of living walking victim just waiting for the next person who feels like it to just take advantage of her. Why she acts in this way I do not know. Which leads me to think I must of been swapped at birth and am not really related to any of my family at all.

In a huff I sent a text message this morning to Sparkling. Then later on when I have a break I try and chat via MSN. I am chilled at this point. But Sparkling almost immediately accuses me of being in a mood when I am not in a mood at all. This kind of behaviour makes me wonder if there is actually something wrong with me. If I really am Mr Angry and it's me who has the problem, if it weren't for the fact I knew I was chilled while drinking my cup of tea and eating a dark chocolate digestive biscuit then I'd of thought I was crazy. But the fact is I wasn't.

Yesterday I spoke to Green Car man, the first time in about six weeks or maybe more. I had enough of the little Oriental fellow and had told Green Car man the reasons why. Then Green Car man says it's me who is sounding aggressive. Yes I was aggressive and angry, but it was justified, there was reason for my reaction. Does this mean I should not react? I should just sit still and accept the inevitability of being constantly shafted. Should I just go to prison and find a cell inhabited by the biggest gayest tattooed convict, bend myself over and say "come and shaft me buddy, coz every other fucker has." Should I? When it is other people who do these things to me I have no control, so I am going to get fucking angry.

Anger is usually caused by something, in which case it is justified, letting it out is a release valve, storing it up is mentally dangerous. These are facts and should be common place and known to every individual in society. So if someone shows aggression or anger then there is a reason for it and they should be listened to in an empathic way (not sympathetic which is quite different). They should be allowed to let it out, then they will feel better for the whole experience.

At times like this I can easily reason it is better to do with no friends, no family, nobody to rely on in any way possible. Then to die at a clinic in Switzerland when old but not quite infirm, because being a burden to any other person in any way would be relinquishing independence. And communicating with anyone else could mean interpreting an action from me which would make them think I am angry. However, were others not trying to shaft me then I'm sure I would be fine. Yes this is such a beautiful world.